Daddy Issues

Daddy Issues

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Daddy Issues

A therapist was talking online about girls with daddy issues.

Coming from someone who was never close to her father, I sat quietly to think about whether I had daddy issues. 

Here is what I noted:

1. My father rarely held a door open for me. As a young adult it felt uncomfortable when men politely held a door open for me.

2. My father rarely complimented me. As an adult, I found it difficult to accept compliments.

3. My father never asked me about my dreams and goals. College or university was not discussed in my household. I never enrolled in college until my early 20’s & only after a boyfriend asked me what school I planning to attend. I hadn’t even thought about it due to not having any savings for education. My friend showed me how to apply for a student loan - which was all paper back then!

4. My father never tucked me in at night, had not kissed me on the forehead, nor read me a bedtime story. I believed I wasn’t important and not worthy of other people’s time. Later in life, I became a people pleaser, looking for validation and acceptance.

5. My father was jealous and treated my mother very poorly. In my 30s, I married a man exactly like my dad. It lasted only 3 years.

6. My father never showed me how to manage money. As an adult, I lived pay-day to pay-day. In my late 30s, a girlfriend of mine who was an accountant, took me aside and showed me how to properly manage money, save for retirement, and build a rainy day fund.

7. My dad drank excessively and became angry & abusive when drunk! He shouted all the time.   Ten years after graduating, I ran into an old classmate who lived just a few houses down when I was quite small. I asked her what she remembered about us.  I was shocked at her response.   She said, “I remember playing in your basement and your dad always coming down to scream at us for no reason….!!!”                 

8. As an adult, I grew up with a lot of pent up anger. I too screamed a lot when I was frustrated. It took time in therapy, deep grounding, breathing, walks in nature, & meditation to release it appropriately. 

9. I felt invisible to my father. I always wanted my dad to simply notice me. It never happened.  As an adult I was unable to speak my truth. I lacked confidence, thinking that others would not care about my opinion. Only when I reached my late 40’s did I learn to trust myself enough to speak up in a professional and confident manner.

   
   

Dads! Please love your little girls. Tuck them in bed. Ask them about their dreams.

Tell them you love them and are proud of them. Ask them about their day.

If you have unresolved pain, talk to someone and begin your personal healing journey.

Try things that create tranquility such as meditation, deep breathing, or walks in nature.

Creating peace and your inner calm is the key. Walking in a loving, heart-centered manner is the answer to it all.